So back in the day, I was taught that the word “fine” was an acronym. It stood for: F’d up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. I have found that this truth still stands today.
Why do we answer this way? Why do we hold on to our hurts, pushing them down, looking the other way? I went to Google for some insight. I stumbled across this article, that hit the nail with a sledgehammer. It was on the money.
Who hasn’t had the experience of asking someone whether anything is wrong–for it’s blatantly obvious from their expression or tone of voice that they’re upset–only to have them respond: “No, I’m fine.”? In such instances, clearly they’re not fine but retreating into themselves to avoid a dialogue they fear might end up making them feel worse.
Tendencies toward denial, withdrawal, and self-isolation are common in reaction to deeply felt emotional pain. In fact, one clue that a person is feeling distressed may be in their becoming unusually quiet or shut down. Such silence speaks volumes, and generally the message is: “I’m not going to risk your hurting me more than you already have . . . so I’m putting a wall between us.”
This. Exactly this. Wall building.
I’m a pro at it. Y’all think I share everything, and I do expose more than most, I also have a part of me that is a little girl – and she is FINE.
When someone hurts me, I start construction. And boy am I fast as hell at it. It’s like the Great Wall of China gets built in a matter of minutes. Why though?
I’ve learned over the years that unless I take that bad boy ALL THE WAY down, nothing good can come of it. It’s naturally in the way, protecting me from pain and shielding me from pleasure simultaneously.
So what to do about it? That’s the million dollar question.
Any big change I’ve had in my life, any turning point, required me to burn that wall of fear down to the ground. That’s what it is really, fear. That nasty little bastard.
When I need proof of this fact, the universe has someone send me my own words to listen to – where I announced to many that fear was in fact “not the boss of me!”
Well let’s have a lil chat shall we? Sit right here Fear, I’ve got a few things to say to you. Stop. Just stop. Look, we’re both adults here – and we know that things suck when there’s a fortress around your soul. So who cares if we might get hurt letting it down – we are getting hurt NOW. That’s some f’ed up logic and is most definitely NOT fine.
Last year at Tony Robbin’s Date With Destiny – I learned, practiced, and experienced this truth – if you want 100% amazing awesomeness you have to provide 100% amazing awesomeness on your part or it’s just not possible. Not even a little. The fence is no place to sit. Besides, you’ll get a wedgie.
Go all in. You’ll know one way or another. You will find out if your worst fears are realized or your wildest dreams come true. Let your guard down, take a deep breath, and play full out.
After all, we only get one go around, that we know of anyway, in this world – don’t waste it being FINE.
I know what you’re thinking, it’s not that bad, things are ok this way, I don’t wanna get crushed. Well that automatically means things are not that good either.
Change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
Go all in today my friends. You’ll be happy that you did. Fuck fine.