My second marriage is proving to be the biggest growth opportunity of my life thus far.
And that is saying a mouthful.
I’ve been in the crossroads so many times, and puzzled by the repeated outcome as I cycle through my typical responses.
Repeating the same mistakes over and over again is insanity, right?
These are the tools that brought me to where I am now. And they have served me well. However if I want to vibrate higher and be my best self, I need to upgrade my equipment.
And just how does one become the person they need to be to accomplish the things they aspire to?
Like way the f*ck out.
Are your actions in alignment? Likely not. The first step is to be able to see it. Really see, understand, and accept. Not judge, excuse, hide, and minimize. Meet yourself where you are at.
In 12 step programs they take inventory of their moral defects.
Now that seems a bit harsh, yet totally what is needed.
Don’t just look at it in the negative though.
Each of those supposed defects gave you gifts and served your basic needs…perhaps not the best choice, this is where change comes.
Follow the thread.
Stay with me here.
Take a situation in your life and look at it from the outside. What positives and negatives came from it? Write that shit down because it’s about to get deep up in here – don’t want y’all to get lost or overwhelmed.
We’re going to chunk it down.
Pretend it’s not you in the scene, you’re watching a movie. It is so easy to scream – don’t go into that dark basement while the power is out and the creepy music is playing! Yet, this is what we do in our own lives.
Choose one action that if done differently would have changed the entire outcome.
Now evaluate as to why you made the choice you did. What need did it serve? Was it comfortable? Habit? Make you feel loved? Needed? Respected? Calm? Happy?
What else did it bring to the table that may not have been so awesome?
Were you judgey? Did you hurt someone? Did you disrespect yourself? What loss came of it?
Was this price worth it?
What other tools could you have used to get the same need met?
How do you cultivate those?
This is the space to ruminate in. Allow the answers to come over time. You didnt get here in one day and change doesn’t happen that way either.
Remember the iceberg….a tiny little tip of success above the water with a mountain of ice below.
We’re working on the mountain part here.
Personally I have found that I need to fill my own holes. Love who I am without the constant need to struggle to be good enough. To be better.
Yes, these are good qualities to have, and in the right situations my deep sense of responsibility and ability to push through is coveted. However, don’t use a sledgehammer when a simple tap will do. It’s the wrong tool sometimes. Back to the toolbox to pick another.
With gratitude, put the sledgehammer down and thank it for being at the ready. Appreciate yourself. Love what is.
Take a deep breath, look around, and pick a different one. That won’t leave a giant gaping hole where it isn’t needed.
Love what is. It is all we’ve got. XO